The old house

They're tearing down the old house on the property behind us this week. It's been a long, cumbersome process, involving heavy duty vehicles and equipment, lots of crunching, smashing and banging, and today, all that remains of the quaint brick house is a sad pile of rubble.

I sympathize with that old house. In the past year, it lost its quiet, long-dwelling family who once treated it with care, and briefly suffered the insanity of noisy, rude tenants who damaged it and treated it disrespectfully. When the tenants moved out, the house was left to stand empty and alone in the cool fall weather, with no heat to warm its bones, no light to brighten its dark interior, and no people to fill its days with laughter and love. The breaking down of its walls and foundation this week was symbolic of the house's recent state of weakness after years of standing strong and proud on its little hill.

In recent months, my life has felt very much like that of the poor old house. Where I once was full of positive energy, strength, and happiness, I've lately felt tired and anxious and sad. I've been spending too much time inside my own head, which has been dark and cold like the abandoned building behind us, and I've been having a hard time letting warmth, light, and laughter back in, despite the kindness and loving care of those dear to me. The physical and emotional after-effects of an illness I had at the beginning of the summer have taken their toll on me, a person who worries far more than is healthy, and I feel like I've temporarily been reduced to a shadow of my former self.

Some of you may remember that I had dental surgery back in May. The surgery was fine, but I was prescribed a course of the antibiotic clindamycin to prevent possible infection afterwards, and as a result of that drug, I developed a c. difficile infection. Aside from suffering with the very unpleasant symptoms of that illness, I was extremely anxious about it, a fact that was only exacerbated by the frequent and sensationalist news stories circulating at the same time regarding c. difficile outbreaks and deaths in various hospitals around the province. I was terrified to treat the infection with more antibiotics as was recommended by my family doctor (because I've personally had too many awful experiences with them wreaking havoc in my body), but I was terrified not to because of what might happen if I didn't. Thankfully, with the reassurance and care of my naturopathic doctor, I was able to get rid of the infection using high doses of probiotics and some other supplements instead (a fact which I think speaks volumes about how effective naturopathic medicine can be).

My worrying, however, did not end when I got the all-clear test results. My digestive system was still not functioning at its best, and I couldn't stop myself from worrying obsessively about what if the infection came back, a possibility that was unlikely due to the fact that I had built up a good supply of probiotics in my system to replace the depleted ones that had allowed for the infection in the first place. I developed a stomach ulcer, and then worried while I waited for the results of h. pylori testing, which ended up coming back negative. In the meantime, I started to feel exhausted all the time and developed muscle aches in my lower back and neck and shoulders, and then worried more that there was something else wrong with me. Several doctor's appointments and tests later, I have begun to realize that it has likely been my constant anxiety that has made me such a wreck. The body can only handle so much stress at once, and constant worry over a period of a few months has completely worn mine out.

I have come to understand that I need to stop the vicious cycle of worry that is contributing to my physical illness, and that I have the power within me to do something about it. I am continuing to work with my wonderful naturopathic doctor on my digestive system and my anxiety, both of which are slowly improving, and I've recently started seeing an osteopath to help with the physical aches and pains. I'm looking into yoga classes, and attended my first group meditation session at a studio last night, a new experience for me which I found very interesting and relaxing. I am slowly digging myself out of my dark pile of rubble and heading towards warmth and light again. I am choosing to believe that I will get there.

They've been tearing down the old house behind us this week to make room for a new one. It will take time, but eventually the scars left behind by the old house will be smoothed over, and a new house will stand strong and proud, ready with an open heart to welcome a family within its walls. The old house will eventually become a distant memory for those who were part of its history. Healing takes time, too, but I feel now that I'm on the road to smoothing over my own scars. One day soon, I hope, I will stand strong and happy again on my own little hill of wellness, the events of the past few months a distant memory that contributed to building a better me.

The (little) men of the house

Matt was out of town for work for a few days and nights this week. I'm not complaining, because work travel isn't something Matt has to do very often, but any parent who has spent some time flying solo knows exactly what I mean when I say I wasn't really looking forward to it. We get used to our regular routines, to having someone else there to help with the many responsibilities involved in day-to-day life with kids (not to mention, adult company!), and sometimes it's just downright tiring doing it all on your own (especially when you've still not been feeling quite like yourself lately, either). Once Matt was gone, though, I quickly came to realize how much my boys are growing up, and how very thoughtful and sweet they can be when they think about what's going on around them.

In my experience, it's not common for seven- and ten-year-old kids to be eager to help out around the house. Requests of that nature are usually met with scowls or groaning (from Noah, who views mundane tasks as a nuisance that take him away from far more interesting endeavours) and screams of indignation (from Will, who thinks being asked to do a boring job is a grave injustice that must be railed against with great passion). The past two evenings, though, a different scene was played out in our home. Noah came to me after school one day and, of his own accord, asked me if I would like him to help make dinner for everyone. He was a willing runner for things I needed from the basement, dried all of the dishes cheerfully, and when I had to run out after dinner to pick up our veggie box for the week (something Matt usually does on the way home from work), Noah decided to stay behind on his own in his room, where he diligently finished a lengthy homework assignment.

Will was equally pleasant and cooperative. When I asked him to please set the table (which is usually Noah's job, but Noah was at a Lego team meeting after school), he smiled and said, "Sure! I want to be extra helpful tonight," and even filled the water glasses without me asking. When I poured him a bowl of cereal at 6:15 am the first morning (his ritual before-breakfast "crunchy munchy snack" which he usually has with Matt while I'm getting ready upstairs), he looked at it for a moment, then very sweetly said, "Mom, just for future reference, this is a little bit too much cereal." (Now this may not seem like such a big deal, but if you've witnessed Will's usual reactions to perceived disruptions to his perfectly ordered way of doing things, i.e. putting the exact same amount of the exact same four cereals in a certain order in his bowl every morning or else!, you'd be impressed with his calm, polite tone!) Will even agreed to talk about something other than hockey at the dinner table.... for five minutes, anyway!

It dawned on me this time around that Matt being away from home has gradually become easier than it once was, that the little boys who once needed so much from me are now happy to be the little men of the house, taking on extra responsibilities to help out the whole family when there are fewer to share the load. Sure, I still prefer when Matt is home, but I've come to realize that in the company of my two other wonderful fellas, I suddenly don't feel so on-my-own when he's not.

A birthday story

Today is my birthday, a day when, every year, I'm joyfully reminded of something I've always known but don't always think about: I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. Earlier today, I was talking on the phone to my mom and dad, who called me to sing their annual "Happy Birthday" song in unison (aren't they so cute!?). My mom then told me a story about my earliest days that I thought was too sweet not to share, so she wrote it down and sent it for me to publish. Thanks, Mom, for this wonderful memory and for all the others you, Dad, and our whole family have left happily etched in my mind over the years.




It’s inevitable that when your child’s birthday rolls around, your thoughts return to that time of wonder and excitement!!! You remember everything that was going on at that time, all the little things that happened, and the people who were involved.

Today is my daughter Lisa’s 39th birthday. . . . (although I am not sure I should be mentioning her age!!) ;) The year that Lisa was born we were living in a big house with my father. About a week after we arrived back home from the hospital, I decided I wanted to go out shopping for a bit. I had every intention of taking her with me in her pram, but my dad said that he would love to watch her, and that I should just go alone and have fun! After being cooped up for a week in the hospital, and then at home, I jumped on the chance to get out, and took him up on his offer. I knew that my father would take excellent care of her for the short time I would be gone, so I took off merrily on my way!

I hadn’t thought to tell Dad where anything was, because, after all, we lived in the same house and I guess I just thought he would know! Diapers were important, but I thought their location was quite obvious in the large drawer right underneath her crib.

I don’t think I was gone very long, and when I returned I asked him if he had had any problems. He told me that everything had gone smoothly, but he hadn’t been able to locate her diapers. He didn’t let that stop him though! In his search he had found the pillowcases that I was using as bassinet sheets. He took one of those, and ever so carefully folded it to perfection to fit my tiny little girl!! Voila! Instant diaper! That’s just the way this wonderful man was.

My daughter Lisa has grown into an amazing woman, and has brought so much joy into our lives. She is everything one could hope for in a daughter. I can't help but think that this is largely in part because of the influence of my dad, and many of the other wonderful people in her life.

Happy Birthday Lisa!!!

Autumn soup

Summer suddenly seems to have disappeared with the return of school yesterday, leaving in its place some cooler, grayer, rainier weather. This made me think of soups, and stews, and roasts, and many other wonderful comfort foods that we haven't enjoyed in a while and that will be welcome family fare for the change in seasons ahead. On the menu for this evening at our house is Autumn Soup, a hearty and flavourful mixture that is both warmth and nourishment in a bowl.

This soup recipe is based on one that my mom taught me to make. She has always been a wonder at taking ground beef and combining it with some of this, a little of that, and turning it into something delicious. I still consult the original soup recipe copied in her handwriting which she gave to me when I went to university, and I still think of her and home every time we enjoy this meal!

Autumn Soup

1 lb lean ground beef (I prefer organic, grass-fed beef, for health reasons, and because its flavour is excellent in this soup)
1 small onion, diced
approximately 1 cup of each of the following: diced carrot, diced celery, and potatoes, cut into 1-inch cubes
1/2 tsp dried basil
1 bay leaf
sea salt and pepper to taste
1 796ml can of diced tomatoes plus one full can of water
a handful or two of roughly chopped kale

In a large saucepan, cook ground beef over medium-high heat until beef is browned.
Add onion, carrots, celery, potatoes, basil, sea salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until onions are softened.
Add tomatoes, water, and bay leaf and bring soup mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes.
Before serving, add kale to soup and stir, heating until leaves are just wilted.
Ladle soup into bowls and enjoy!

I have made this soup in various ways over the years; sometimes I substitute brown rice macaroni for the potatoes. (I cook the pasta in a separate pot, drain and rinse it, and then add it to the soup just before serving). Sometimes I substitute spinach leaves for the kale. All of the variations still result in a steaming bowl of healthy soup that's easy to make and that everyone enjoys. As my mom wrote on the bottom of my copy of her recipe, "Good stuff!".

What to pack? (School snacks)

Our backyard has been a flurry of wild animal activity these past few days, and the boys and I have been especially amused watching the squirrels and chipmunks who frequent our deck. We have a very old, large black walnut tree at the back of our property, and everywhere we look there are little critters running with large green orbs in their mouths, looking for places to stash them for later. Yesterday we had a good laugh when we found this tucked in the corner of our kitchen window:


Despite the hider's best efforts, I'm not sure this snack is still going to be there when he comes back to find it!

Many parents' thoughts are probably turning to snacks this week as well, for no matter how much the kids don't want to admit it, school will be back in full swing next week. I don't love the thought of packing lunches and snacks for the next day every evening again, but I've found that advanced thinking and preparing always makes the task a little simpler.

The food industry has done quite a job of providing options for quick-to-pack, individually wrapped, snack-sized foods for kids, but in my opinion, many of the "foods" contained in those packages are lacking in nutritional value. We've come up with a collection of healthy, homemade options in our house (along with a few better-for-you packaged foods) that the boys both enjoy, and if you're looking for ideas, you may want to try some of them. (I've provided the links to recipes that are posted elsewhere on my site for easy reference.)

Homemade muffins made with whole grains and fruit (There are three recipes here, one of which is gluten, dairy, and egg-free.)



Banana oat bundles (These delicious cookies are dairy and egg-free, and can be made gluten-free as well if you use certified pure oats.)



Raw veggies with hummus or white bean dip and Mary's seed crackers (gluten, dairy, and egg-free)

Oatmeal apple cinnamon mini-muffins (gluten, dairy, and egg-free, and just the right size for small hands and appetites!)

Homemade granola bars (gluten, dairy, and egg-free, and bursting with nutritious ingredients!)

Homemade applesauce with toasted whole grain pita triangles, Pita Break lavash crackers, or gluten-free brown rice cakes.



Homemade chocolate granola bites  (These yummy snacks are gluten, dairy, and egg-free as well.  I make the heart shaped ones for Valentine's Day, but year round I use mini muffin tins as molds to create perfect little two-bite snacks.)

Fresh fruit kebabs with plain yogourt for dipping (You can sweeten the yogourt with a little bit of honey if your kids are used to the sweetened, flavoured varieties.)

Cranberry coconut granola cookies (gluten, dairy, and egg-free)

Babybel cheese with Triscuit Thins and an apple (I like Babybel because it is made with milk rather than modified milk ingredients, and it also has no added colouring. You can buy a giant bag of Babybel cheeses at Costco for a great price!)

Homemade trail mix using low-sugar dry cereal (like Cheerios, or Nature's Path Whole O's for a gluten-free option), multigrain mini pretzels (like PC Blue Menu Alphabet pretzels, or Mary's Sticks & Twigs for a gluten-free option), fruit-juice sweetened dried cranberries, unsweetened flakes of coconut, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, and a little sprinkling of dark chocolate chips (at least 70% cocoa).  If your children's school doesn't have a no-nuts policy, then you can add a variety of nuts to the mixture as well; raw almonds, cashews, pecans and walnuts are all great additions.

Packing school snacks for Will became more of a challenge when we discovered his food sensitivities; cheese and yogourt were out, as were any foods containing gluten, and because the boys' school is completely nut-free, I am not able to send any of the baked goods I make for him out of almond flour. In addition to some of the options listed above, though, Will also really enjoys the little sandwiches I make from a piece of fresh-baked gluten-free bread, natural sunflower seed butter and a bit of fruit-juice sweetened jam. By slicing off the bread crusts and cutting the bread in half, I can make a perfect snack-sized sandwich with a healthy, school-safe protein and just a bit of sweetness.

It may be a little more work to bake and prepare your own snacks for your children, but their bodies and brains will thank you for it when they're well fuelled up for all of the activities they'll participate in through the course of a busy day. A few baking or food-prep sessions on a weekend can provide a nice freezer/fridge stash of healthy snack foods that can quickly be packed into lunch bags. (And unlike our little squirrel friend, you can be pretty sure that those snacks will still be there when you need them!)

If you're looking for durable and healthy containers in which to pack all of these yummy snack foods, you may want to check out these eco-friendly options. They're a great alternative to chemical-laden plastics, and after a year of daily use, the boys' sets are both still going strong! (Believe me, that says a lot about their quality -- have you seen the way young boys treat their belongings?!)

If you have some great healthy school snack or lunch ideas, please share them in the comments section below! Best wishes to all of your children as they return to school next week. I hope they have a year full of happy adventures!

Thoughts from two parking lots

The boys and I were out running some errands this morning, and in each of two separate parking lots I noticed a simple but significant detail that put a smile on my face.

While heading back out to our car from a store, I noticed a small boy, about five years old, walking with his siblings and a woman who appeared to be his grandmother. He was dressed in what you would expect a child to be wearing on a warm, sunny day: shorts, a t-shirt, a pair of sandals well-worn from months of carefree play outdoors. There was one exception though. Over his t-shirt, the boy was wearing a pressed, new-looking black suit jacket. It fit him perfectly and seemed to fit his mood perfectly, too; he walked with purpose and a confident smile, completely unaware that his fancy jacket seemed to most observers to be completely out of place.

In the next parking lot, I saw another little boy who was probably about two years old walking with his family. This spunky little fellow was also sporting shorts and a t-shirt, along with a pair of muddy green rain boots designed to look like frogs. There was not a cloud in the sky (and definitely no sign of rain), but it was clear that the boots had been the boy's preferred choice of footwear for the day, and the spring in his step told me they were making him feel happy.

At some point this morning, the grown-ups responsible for these two boys probably made a choice to just let these out-of-the-ordinary fashion choices go, to not concern themselves with making their boys change for the sake of appearance, to let them have a say in who they felt like being at that moment. I've found myself there, too, almost every afternoon this summer when Will put his t-shirt on inside out and backwards after swimming and left it that way for the rest of the day, no matter what else we had planned. As a parent who admits that she might be a teensy bit of a control freak, I know that sometimes it's hard to just let our kids do things that we think (or think others will think) are odd. I like to remember though, that while it's important for me to teach my children right from wrong in the many life situations where it matters, it's also important for my children to find their own way, to explore, when it's safe, what feels right to them.

There might come a day, soon, when that boy in the suit jacket looks around at the peers who will come to influence his self-impressions and decides that he needs to lose his unique sense of style to fit in more with the other kids around him. Maybe the boy in the rain boots will come to forget how much he loves frogs and jumping in puddles just like them, because the "cool kids" who only wear shoes will mock him for his "silly" choice. Perhaps, though, because these two young boys were given opportunities like this morning to express themselves, they just might have the self-confidence to realize that it doesn't always have to matter what other people think.

Hats (and suit jackets and rain boots!) off to the children of the world who are proudly discovering who they really are, and to the grown-ups in their lives who are giving them some breathing room to do so.

Bright son

The start of a new school year is still a week away, but already I can sense the anxiety building in my sensitive little boy's mind. Amidst the leisure and laughter of late summer days are outbursts and tears and quiet, heartfelt refrains of "Mom, I'm not ready to go back to school." As difficult as Will can be in these moments, my heart feels so sad for him. I really do appreciate how very deeply he thinks and feels about everything in his young life.

We have always known there is something different about Will; in many ways, he has never been quite like other children his age. I've thought deeply about this fact for years, and have expressed some of my impressions of my wonderful, challenging youngest boy before (especially in my favourite post here). It dawned on me about a year and a half ago, in a lightbulb kind of moment based on something I stumbled upon in a parenting book I was reading to help me relate to Will better, that he might be intellectually gifted. Anxious to uncover any information that might make raising Will easier, I began to read everything I could find about giftedness in children, and learned that in addition to thinking about and understanding the world in complex, creative, unique ways, gifted chidren also often have heightened emotional and physical sensitivities. The pieces were starting to fit together.

After helping Will manage some school anxiety last year, Matt and I decided to get a clear picture of his cognitive abilities by having him privately assessed by a psychologist this summer. Our hope was that with a detailed understanding of his special talents and abilities, we might be able to ensure a more stimulating and enjoyable school experience for him, especially since our board does not formally provide enrichment programming until grade 5. Will thoroughly enjoyed the testing process (he loved the mental challenge!), and while Matt and I were not surprised at all by the results we got back this week, we feel a strange sense of awe, and a great responsibility to help both of our gifted sons, now, find experiences and challenges that are exciting, novel, and useful in helping them grow into the amazing young men they have the great potential to become.

Many people have the impression that you don't have to worry about gifted kids; because they're "smart", they'll do well no matter what. What happens when gifted learners become increasingly bored and disillusioned with their school experiences, though, and lose their motivation to strive to be their best? How do you keep a seven year old boy whose language and math abilities are years ahead of his actual grade happily learning something new on a day-to-day basis? How do we, as parents, make sure that we provide our boys with enrichment activities in their life outside of school? These are all questions that I will need to answer in the coming weeks, months, years.... It is a responsibility that I do not take lightly at all.

Receiving these test results for Will has provided us with another piece in the puzzle to understanding our amazing young son. They don't change the challenges we face with him, but they've given us a new glimpse into who he is, one that allows us to see him a little more compassionately when we realize that the world must be an awfully frustrating place sometimes for a boy who has the life experiences of a seven year old and beautiful, complex, grown-up thoughts.

I am incredibly excited for both of my exceptionally bright boys.... and I hope I will be able to be an exceptional source of support and guidance for them as they navigate their ways forward from here. I hope, above all, that their journeys are happy ones.