At our family's dinner table the other night, I was running some outfit ideas by Matt as I planned what I was going to pack clothes-wise. I don't have any female opinions in the house to consult in these matters (unless you count Maggie the cat, who is not much help to me because her only opinions about clothes revolve around whether they're comfortable to lie on or not), but Matt is a very good listener and always does his best to offer sincere and thoughtful comments. When Will heard me talking about clothes, his ears perked up and he immediately and enthusiastically offered himself up as my personal fashion consultant. (He considers himself an expert in "fashion ladies", as he calls them, because a) he has seen innumberable Reitman's commercials over the past couple of years while watching The Weather Network in the morning and b) he regularly studies the cover of my "Chant-a-layne" magazine when it arrives in the mail every month.)
I listened to Will with fascination as he excitedly started describing a potential outfit that would make me be "really fashionable" at the conference. I was instructed to wear a top "something like" what I was already wearing (a cami with a light tie-up sweater over it), with a necklace (this was very important, he thought), and the absolute skinniest pair of jeans I have. When I asked Will what I should wear on my feet with this outfit he was planning for me, he thought for a moment and then answered confidently, "Skateboard shoes." But the best advice came next, when Will suddenly jumped up from the table and proceeded to explain (and demonstrate with zeal!) how a "fashion lady" walks. He told me I needed to put my hands on my butt cheeks, "like this":
and then he showed me, in slow-motion, how to use my hands to propel each leg and shoulder forward in a grotesquely exaggerated side-to-side swaying motion, with my head held high and a haughty look on my face. When I turned my eyes away for a minute to wipe away tears of laughter, Will admonished me and instructed me very seriously to "watch more carefully" while he demonstrated what to do if I wanted to be SUPER fashionable. So I stared intently while he showed me exactly how to walk with my legs criss-crossing wildly in front of one another with each step (and with my hands still on my butt, of course.)
I never imagined a simple question about outfits would result in a full-fledged pre-conference workshop, but I'm so glad to be in the know now! (And by the way, if any other Blissdom attendees would like to learn Will's fashion secrets before the weekend, he's offering an intensive crash course this evening at a special Blissdom rate. Message me for details.)
If you happen to be at Blissdom this weekend, I'll be the one in the really skinny jeans and skateboard shoes with my hands on my butt, walking with a leg-crossing motion that is likely to dislocate one of my 40-year-old hips. Be sure to stop and say hello!
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